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 | An Unfinished Story
by Kathy L. Davenport |
I have pictured her in my mind many times; her olive skin and almond shaped eyes, her petite-framed body. This is the little girl I will travel to the other side of the world for. Her culture will become mine and mine will become hers. We will blend our lives in ways that will change the two of us forever. This innocent child, as yet unknown to me, will become my daughter. This is a story waiting to be told.
You see, my husband, Tom, and I are in the process of adopting an infant girl from China. Our lives will soon begin a journey I scarcely believe. The idea that we will travel to China to bring home a baby girl, our daughter, is beyond the realms of my imagination, yet is a reality unfolding before my eyes.
Tom and I married later in life than most. Because of the timing in our lives, having birth children did not happen as I hoped. I always wanted to be a mother, always dreamed of holding my baby in my arms and rocking her to sleep. I assumed that when I married, my dream would be granted. I was filled with great disappointment when I realized this was not to be. My heart ached for the child I would never have.
I tried to accept this disappointment, telling myself that we did not need children to fulfill our lives. After all, weren’t our lives already overflowing? Try though I might, I could not fully accept our situation. My heart continued to yearn, question and weep silently, for I knew that I would never hear a sweet voice calling me “Mommy.” Our home would never be filled with children’s books and toys. I would never read bedtime stories or tuck my child in at night. Tom knew my longings, for he felt them too.
I believe God prepares us little by little for the events in our lives. He knows our needs far better than we do. And so, the seed of adoption was planted in our minds as we heard of a friend whose son was involved in Chinese adoptions. Then one evening we watched a documentary of a couple successfully adopting a healthy infant Chinese girl. Their story touched our lives and the seed of adoption began to take root. I remember crying with the adoptive mother holding her new baby on her lap as the bus pulled away from the orphanage, and again as she visited the foster mother who had cared for her child. Throughout the program Tom and I glanced at each other, afraid to speak, not knowing what to say. Could we do this? Was this a sign?
We decided to attend a seminar the next day. We told ourselves we were only going to obtain information. The television program had sparked some curiosities within us. Much to our surprise, the couple from the documentary and their beautiful daughter, Jade, were present. We gathered packets of information, taking our place among the other couples.
While waiting for the program to begin, we couldn’t help noticing that the majority of people in attendance were our age or older. Listening to the conversations around us, I began to feel more blessed than sorry for myself. Most of these couples had endured years of infertility treatments or multiple miscarriages. In their desperation to conceive, many had gone to great lengths. For Tom and me, it was simply a matter of timing.
The program began with some introductory information, quickly turning into a question and answer session. As we listened, it became clear that we ideally fit the guidelines China required from adoptive couples. The process seemed lengthy and complicated, yet no more so than adopting domestically. Beautiful little Jade’s parents spoke positively and enthusiastically about their experiences. Driving home that evening, we could talk of nothing else. Although we did not make an immediate decision, I believe that in our hearts, we both knew we had found our answer.
Since that day we have researched several agencies and spoken with many couples. We have even considered other countries, but China is drawing us to her. Tom says he has a peace about our decision, and I trust his instinct. We believe our prayers are being answered and will continue to be.
We have nearly concluded the mounds of paper work, the personal questions and the probing into our lives. The finger prints, criminal checks by the FBI, child abuse and spouse abuse checks, physicals, reference letters and the visit to our home are finally behind us.
For those of us who cannot be birth parents, whatever the reason, the adoption process is often daunting. Why do you want to be parents? Would you remain married if you could not adopt children? Tell me about your relationship with your spouse, parents or siblings. How did your parents discipline you? How will you discipline your child? The questions continue.
But we have persisted, learning a great deal about each other and ourselves while becoming educated about our child’s homeland. We believe, along with the adoption agencies, that we cannot dismiss our daughter’s past. We embrace the idea of raising her with a pride in her Chinese culture.
Tom and I are preparing ourselves for the curious stares and the well-meaning questions that will come. We are learning how to face the prejudices, spoken or not, that will arise. We are soon to become a multi-cultural family forever. To me, this is an exciting concept as our lives and the lives of our future generations grow richer and fuller by melding the languages, customs and heritage of our two nations.
The waiting time is the most difficult of all as fears and doubts creep into my thoughts. What if I am not a good parent? Am I too old for this? Am I prepared for the major changes my life is soon to undergo? And for me, the chronic worrier, the thoughts are sometimes bizarre. Tom says he believes I lay in bed at night worrying about not having something to worry about.
For now, though, I try to put these dark images behind me as Tom and I look to the future with faith and hope. Every news article about China attracts our attention, while any mention of adoption causes us to stop and listen. And every time I see an Asian child, I dream of my own little girl who will call me Mommy.
Somewhere on the far side of the world, another woman will give birth to a child. Because of the circumstances, whatever they will be, she will make the most difficult decision of her life. Her decision will unite us across the world with the love for a child, both her daughter and mine. From this union, a beautiful story will unravel. I only know the beginning now because the story is unfinished. My heart eagerly anticipates the next word, line and chapter, for this will be the story of a lifetime.
Kathy L. Davenport is the wife of Tom and the mother of Rebecca and Sarah, both adopted from China. She is also an elementary school teacher who enjoys writing and teaching writing to her third grade students. Besides writing, she also enjoys traveling and bicycling with her family.
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